How to survive parenting

By Dr. Michael E. Witzky
Contributing Writer
Union County Post

Being a parent is not a simple job. It requires that we grow as our children grow. Remember saying, “I’ll never do that when I’m a parent”? I do. Some of those things I realize now, as a parent, weren’t the best ideas. Others, I have carried with me and do put into practice. I have four children ranging form 20 to 31 years old – two boys and two girls with a boy – girl – boy – girl spread. I tell you this just so you know that these ideas come from a mixture of my clinical training and real–life experience.
We need to keep in mind the ultimate goal of parenting. Someday we are going to see our children turn 18 and they will begin to think about leaving home, entering the workforce or to seek advanced education. Some will begin to look at starting a family of their own (although I feel this is too early). As parents, we have a responsibility to prepare them for that time by making sure they have the skills necessary to make independent decisions and live with the consequences. If we shelter our children and never allow them to experience some of the complexities of life, they will have little preparation to make those decisions when they turn the magic age of 18. On the other hand, if we allow them to do whatever they want with very little guidance or direction they will not only have numerous problems during their youth but they will also carry this pattern into their young–adult life.
One of the more important concepts I learned from my clinical studies that applies to parenting relates directly to children’s developmental phases. We have all heard the saying “You can’t walk before you crawl.” This is a commonly–used analogy and identifies that there are many things that we do that require building on prior learning and acquired knowledge. This is the key concept in child development. It not only applies to children’s physical development but to their emotional and cognitive development.
Potty training is a good example. You don’t try to potty train a baby less than one year old because they physically haven’t developed the ability to control this body function and mentally they aren’t ready to understand the concept. But, let’s get into some off the more difficult issues that face us as parents.
Children learn most by example. In their first years, the home environment is generally where most of their early learning comes from. This is why the principal “Do as I say not as I do” never works. I also don’t like the saying – “Because I say so” – which is used all too frequently when a child asks why they can’t do something, If we can’t explain to our children why we don’t want them to do something, maybe we need to rethink our decision.
Dr. Michael E. Witzky is the Executive Director of the Union County Mental Health Board.